and I'll set fire to the rain

I'm fine with tornados if they get me home at 4 the day before I have a calculus and physics test. Yep. Bring onnn the tornadoes.

Since both of my blog buddies have pulled back a little, of course I've been reconsidering my own committment. And even though a lot of my posts end up being one-liners from my iTouch as I'm about to fall asleep, I'm going to keep it up. Blogging's good for me, even if it's doing something trivial like making a playlist or listing some boring stuff I've done that day. It doesn't have to be heart-wrenching and emotional, because even writing down the mundane stuff gives me a place to meditate and center myself.

So yes. I'm stayin'. :)

I didn't go to choir tonight either - parents didn't want me driving in the post-apocalyptic mess. Pros: I'm not going to fail physics and I'm way less stressed. Cons: Mmmm, sorry.

if you left it up to me, everyday would be a holiday from real

I'm definitely getting spring fever - as in, I'm a senior, and I'm so ready to get out of this place. Mainly my family/home and the drama that seems to STALK me, I swear it. I do everything I can to avoid drama, and I'm all but tripping over it. Anyways. I'm really frustrated and restless right now, so I'm sorry if this post is ridiculously incoherent. Music is literally one of the only things that's keeping me from going insane right now, so I figured I'd share with my current playlist with whoever still reads this (who are you? haha).

A lot of this stuff is from Pandora, so I haven't really been splurging on music all afternoon.


Stuff I'm Currently Listening To:

Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows
Holiday From Real - Jack's Mannequin (post title creds)
Thriller/Heads Will Roll - Glee Cast
Through Glass - Stone Sour
Perfect - Pink
Everything on Adele's new album 24, particularly Rolling in the Deep
The Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin (I just downloaded their CD, so it's high up on this playlist)
White Blank Page - Mumford & Sons
Northern Downpour - Panic! At the Disco
Sort Of - Silversun Pickups
Don't You Want Me - Glee Cast
Jealousy - Darren Criss
Not Alone - Darren Criss (lovely song - I forsee post titles in the future)
Ordinary Day - Vanessa Carlton
Wine Red - Hush Sound
We Radiate - Goldfrapp
Drops of Jupiter - Train
Positive - Legally Blonde (Originally Broadway Cast Recording)
Closer to the Edge - 30 Seconds to Mars

There ya go, there's got to be something on there for everyone.

Today was a good day :) I think...honestly, I don't remember it.

Amber and I got smoothies at Greenlife before rehearsal this afternoon, which was fun as always. Amber's hubby Scott is out of town until Tuesday, and she gets really lonely when he's gone -- unfortunately, she's also sick, so she's sick and alone :( But we hang out, so it's good.

Rehearsal was good today too. My knees are covered in stage bruises.

Emma has a daaaaate tomorrow night. Sort of. With Derek :) They're going out for dinner and a movie. Totes adorbs.

and the sun had finally come out again

Today was a wonderful day. Because I'm on my iTouch and still have to work out and do calculus before the end of the evening, this post will be short, sweet, and in list-format:

REASONS TODAY WAS AWESOME::
- we're building circuits in physics!
- SD is a lovely person whom I'm super lucky to have in my life.
- THE WEBSITE IS FINISHED. hallelujah.
- on a similar note, the presentation/reading went well
- lunch at Big River for Chloe's chapel talk (mental note: actually write a serious post about that sometime)
- impromptu picnic with Bronte, Saba, and Parker
- totally aced my forensics test
- a study hall when I was not coding! How weird.
- Ms Lindsay at rehearsal!

And the pièce de résistance...

I got into U Richmond! :) first college I've heard back from!

Quick question - who all still reads this blog? haha.

somewhere over the rainbow

I needed a song lyric. so shoot me.

I need to gain motivation to do something besides sleep. Maybe then I'll start blogging again.

but hey, it's still a 365! I'm posting even though I have nothing to say.

Today was positively hellish. Here's hoping for a brighter tomorrow.

Fun fact about me: I have this overwhelming animal instinct when it comes to food.

a) I hoard it and guard my stashes protectively.
b) I like to curl up and eat things like snacks in remote corners of my house where no one will see me (or take my food?)
c) I steal french fries from my lunch table gals. According to Mrs. Dizer, intercepting food from other members of your social group is a way of asserting dominance in animals.
d) I hate hate HATE eating in front of people. Part of that is me being self-conscious, but part of it is this paranoia that someone's going to steal my food or something.
e) I hiiiide my food. Like right now? I'm about to go take a shower and I have a little pack of Oreos chilling out in the bathroom with me. Totally wouldn't have eaten them in front of my other family members.

I don't need a witness to know that I survive

Working with the art for the River Review website has made me remember just how obsessed I am with art forms in general. I mean, it's not weird for me to be obsessed with things relating to theater (from TV shows to comedies to musicals), music (audio tracks), and music (instrumental - I mean, I play piano) because I'm involved with all of them. I'm even a writer in my spare time, so literature & reading are also fair game for my obsessions.

But honestly, my love for all things art does not stop there...not by a long shot.
1. I have a deep and secret love for photography, though I have very little talent for it. I just love to appreciate it.
2. I am seriously obsessed with Terpsichord. Like, Julia and Cecilia kind of tease me about it, it's so bad. (I tried out my sophomore year, but that's a memory I try to block out whenever possible. Good lord it was awful.)
3. I spend a ridiculously amount of time admiring the art around school. Again, Julia and Cecilia tease me about it. And working with the RR art has me in awe all over again.
4. I flow between spending loads of time on art websites, like DeviantArt and Tumblr.

Probably the only form of art I don't drool over is film. I mean, I definitely appreciate the beauty in it and I absolutely love reading about the process - and film is a blend of visual art and photography and theater, so you'd like I would love it all the more. But I've never really been a movie person. Show me one though, and I'll absorb it with all the fervor I save for art forms.

I love love love artists. I feel like they're my kindred souls - I'm not going to try to explain it because that'll ruin the point, but just know this. I want to marry some sort of artist some day.

Post title is from a song by Jack's Mannequin - The Resolution. Love their stuff.

Good mooooorning beautiful blog buddies! Just a quick outline of what I have to do this weekend before I run off to get productive (starting with a shower).

-Lunch with G-ma at the new pizza place on Lookout
-Donate blood! (hey, I'm O-negative, and I'm ready to save some lives)
-Try out our new eliptical
-Text Robyn with movie times for I Am Number Four
-Practice piano/voice
-Resize/code all art for River Review

Homework:
-Mouse Party lab for forensics
-Calc lesson 90
-5 minute English presentation on a passage in Handmaid's Tale
-Get a head-start on my section of the brochure for Human Bio (Annie and Valerie will thank me)


I got eleven hours of sleep last night, and I'm ready to take on the world! :)

Sometimes I skip assembly, because...
a) I simply cannot deal with it
b) I have better things to do (read: river review)
c) I need to get away from people for a tiny space of my day

Hellooooo Mrs. Mines' room.

Am I pathetic or what? Geez, what is up with my blogging? I'm on Tumblr a lot, but I REFUSE to neglect this puppy.

I am tired
I am insanely busy
I am loving this full moon
I am going to see glee live in concert! Probably
I am getting braver, and it kind of makes me terrified
I am a good friend, or I try to be

I am love

Blog fail. I'll be better, I promise.

Blogging is six thousand times easier during the school week. This summer'llbe an interesting test.

Mm, it's late and I'm tired, so I'll give my day in bullet form.
- called off the trip to Knoxville to see Kelsey because of sickness and general mental health reasons
- biked up the side of Lookout with dad. I'm officially a weenie and a drama queen, but it was a gorgeous day and it was fun nonetheless
- I'm officially hooked on Spore again. Too bad it's unbeatable.
- Emma's love interest Derek is going to make dinner for her for V-day tomorrow. Awww :)
- tomorrow at choir I'm going to ask Grant to the Sadie Hawkins dance in like two weeks
- may be having a lonely hearts party with Robyn tomorrow
- I'm reading a 1965 edition of Sherlock Holmes that we found in my grandmother's house

and I can't fight this feeling any more

Sick again -- I swear I've been sick every Winterim for like the past four years. Fail.

Anyways, yesterday Dad took BFF Emilee and me up to Atlanta to see Emory again. We ended up on a tour with Mary Margaret, which was kind of funny. Sarah Shaw was there too - it was like a little GPS community! Emory's a neat place, gorgeous campus, super-modern, all sorts of cool things. It's not my first choice (kind of hard to explain what I don't like about it, so I'm not going to try), but if I ended up there I think I'd be happy. Que sera sera.

Saw both Alizeh and Shyama yesterday when we were touring, which was fun. I haven't seen Alizeh in forever - we weren't ever close at all, but she was one of those people that I've always kind of admired from a distance. Ewray thought a lot of her, and so did Claire. Claire tried to talk Rickie P into letting the two of them both give their chapel talks at graduation.

Anyways, Alizeh seems happy. She gave me a big hug and was really sweet. I love her to death, definitely admire her, but she's...wow, she's intense. I mean, she's always been like that, but you don't really realize how potent it is until you're one-on-one on a random street in Druid Hills.

Emilee and I had a great time, we always do. It takes a few minutes to sink back into each others' presences, but we were Gleeking out in the backseat of the car in no time. I always love seeing her.

And then last night we watched The Social Network for the first time. I'm not normally much of a movie person (fail, I know), but our cousin Andy works for Kevin Spacey, and his name is in the credits! I figured I should watch it for his sake.

And wow, I really enjoyed it. It's a fabulous movie, very well done - Andrew Garfield (plays Eduardo) is super hot and super talented; him plus the double-hot Winklevoss twins (don't know the actors) made for a lot of super awesome eye-candy. Jesse Eisenberg was fabulous as well - I mean, of course he is, he nailed that lead regardless. But I especially enjoyed Andrew Garfield. Om nom noms.

Eisenberg/Zuckerberg's ex Erica was played by a super gorgeous actress named Rooney Mara - she's going to be Lisbeth Salander in the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo movies that Hollywood's adapting. I'm super excited. Totally adding her to my list of actresses to obsess over.

Oops, almost started a bad habit there - skipped a blog day. We're going to pretend that didn't happen...that Glee post was enough to last you all for two days, I guess.

I volunteered at the Pet Placement Center from 10-2 today, which was a lot of fun. I started with jobs like washing dishes and folding laundry and cleaning out litter boxes (eww), but once the lady in charge of the cats (Amy) saw that I wasn't going to go nuts or ignore her or anything, she gave me more fun jobs like letting the cats out and bathing the kittens. Which was ADORABLE. Oh my goodness you guys. You've never gotten snuggles like desperate kitty snuggles. I had three and four cats piling on me at once, rubbing up against me and meowing and trying to get in my lap and just being generally adorable. Loved. it.

Tomorrow Dad and Emilee (best friend from elementary school) and I are road-tripping to Atlanta to tour Emory at the crack of dawn. Mmm. Not excited about getting up early, but I am excited about hanging out with Emilee. I love spending any time with her that I can. She's at Baylor - so I don't see her hardly at all - but even though we've grown up in different circumstances, we're still scarily similar. I love her to death. She makes me wish I was at Baylor sometimes - people like her and Isabel just make me feel loved. But I love GPS as well, don't get me wrong :) You guys are my favorite overall. Wouldn't change it for the world.

This post is mainly about Glee.

Glee is literally...one of my favorite things. And I feel so terribly shallow and cliche saying this, but hear me out, okay?

I didn't start watching Glee until this fall, when Darren Criss started guest-starring. I mean, I was familiar with the show - I knew some of the names, knew someone was gay and someone was pregnant and that they made Journey cool again. And when I went to watch Darren's first episode, titled "Never Been Kissed," I had no desire to stick with the series. I already watch Bones and House during the week and The Office on the weekends - I mean, I don't have time for a lot more. Or so I thought.

So, my lassies, for your viewing pleasure:

Actually Good Reasons Why Glee Is Now My Life:

1. The music is amazing.

Yes, I knoooow they're all covers of songs. But that's how YouTube singers make it, that's how people audition for things, that's how people win American Idol...basically any song you ever sing ever is going to have been written by someone else. That's how it works. There are way more singers than songwriters.

And yes, I'm aware that they use auto-tune. But who doesn't? Glee isn't about perfection, it's about the process. The numbers aren't about vocal perfection (though Ryan Murphy and Fox know that's necessary to keep the show on the air), they're about the emotion behind them. That's why Glee isn't just pop songs, it's pop and classics and showtunes and everything in between, from cheesy songs that are just plain awful to the most recent Cee-Lo song to grace the radio - it's about finding the largest audience possible and communicating the message.

And what is this message? Well, I'll get to that in a later point. So, about the music --

Okay, I'm a bit of a music snob, I'll admit it. And I'm a total theater geek - I'm a sucker for a good arrangement or a good performance. So it would make sense that I'm drawn in by a group of awesome singers (something like half of which are from Broadway) dancing and doing fantastic covers that are catchy and fantastic driving songs.

Anyways. Don't remember where I was going with that. Summary of point one: the music is well-varied, well-arranged, and well-done.

2. The message is inspiring and very real.

It's high school, it's drama, it's stereotypes. I know our school is a bubble and I know Glee is dramatized, but the basic premise is wonderful. Be who you are, do what you want, seize the moment, because your time is NOW, and only you can choose who you can be.

Glee also touches on identity and love and all those other wonderful things, and it's gay-friendly approach is making waves in entertainment media. Go Glee go!

Anyways. It's late. I will get back to this. Look forward to it.

I am so excruciatingly tired. I'm hoping I'll make it through tomorrow. Be strong Louise, ONE MORE DAY.

Good things:
1. Going back to school tomorrow!
2. Glee tonight!
And other stuff I'm too lazy to type out. See y'all tomorrow! :)

yeah...nothing to see here

C'mon blog buddies, where are your posts? I'm getting lonely over here :(

Anyways, yeah, this weekend's been pretty low-key, as expected. I've felt absolutely awful today and have been getting dizzy every time I move for a good percentage of the last eight hours. But I've been working away as best I can...I mean, it's GPS. I miss one day and I have two tests and two homework assignments to make up, a meeting to reschedule, rehearsal to catch up on...yeah, you get the picture. So I'm studying like a mad woman for English, Physics, and Calculus, all of which I have on Monday. Geez Louise.

soo yep, that's my life right now :) huzzahhh.

Remind me what's fun about being home sick again? I'm about to go insane with boredom. Thankfully I don't feel that bad - I almost feel like I cheated the system, haha. Amber's been checking up on me all day, which has helped. She's so wonderful.

...yeahh, I got nothing. But hey, Glee's back this weekend! I'm totally psyched for the superbowl ep - and to show you why, I've enlisted my good friend Darren Criss and his a cappella choir...



In other news, I've been getting some quality bunny-snuggling time in :) Bunny-snuggling and fresh Panara bagels. I guess this day hasn't been so bad after all.

you and i will be young forever

Good call, mom - not exactly mono, but I am home and flu-stricken. Lovely. I hate that I'm missing two days of rehearsal...but on the other hand, I also don't have to take my physics and calculus tests tomorrow. Silver lining, anyone?

I'm really loving Tumblr. I said for a while that I wasn't on it because I wasn't artsy, but it turns out there are plenty of other people whose artsiness I can enjoy. Love love love. I may have a new obsession.

Not much else to report, folks. I've basically been on my couch since noon. Watched a lot of House.

Weird day.

A junior at Signal killed herself this morning, her brother found her in her room this morning - she hung herself. Audrey was telling me about it today after school. It also turns out that Emma's best friend Sydney lives down the street from her - talked to her yesterday after school and everything.

I don't know the story - she used to go to Baylor and got kicked out for some reason (I've heard drugs and sex), but she wasn't, like, on death-watch or anything. I think it was kind of a surprise.

Anyways, Emma's New Testament class talked about suicide today, so Emma brought it up at dinner tonight. So that segued into a discussion of depression, what is depression, why do people kill themselves, is it against the Bible, etc. etc. It made me really kind of uncomfortable.

Deep and personal starts here - turn back now, all ye who fear entry. Also, serious trigger warning: mentioning, brief discussion of suicide.

I know suicides often come in rings - when someone your age kills herself, it makes death that much more accessible and close at hand. Mr. Wells was talking about an idea the other day: every human quest is performed out of fear of death. I'm almost inclined to agree. The suicide-ripple-effect also happens out of jealousy too. Sometimes people kill themselves (or cut, or try to kill themselves but fail, etc.) out of a cry for attention - not drama-seeking stuff, just a cry for help. Letting people know you are struggling but don't want to say anything.

Anyways. I got all squirmy when we kept discussing it, then went into more talk about depression and stuff. Emma's a relatively unobservant person. She knows I go to therapy once a week, but just that it's "someone I talk to," but she doesn't know I'm medicated or any of my history with mental stuff (craziness). And it's not something I want her to know about. She tends to flip out and go all let-me-save-the-world (she's done it before), which isn't pleasant for anyone. But. I just really, really hate talking about suicide, and depression, and self-harm. It's almost that jealousy thing - that's the whole reason I get myself into messes to begin with, I just want someone to love me and help me out.

Anyways. Yeah. Not a pleasant discussion, I've had to pull out Anna's Survival Guide and a playlist for occasions like this and try to pull myself out of it. That's one of my massive triggers - getting kicked into a funk of my own by reading about someone else's or something. It's like dwelling on it only makes it that much more real.

Aaaaand end trigger warning :)


Also, my mom thinks I might have mono. Hmmm.

edit: oooh, also, I am super proud of myself. I deleted Ex's last voicemail from my phone. From September. Go Louise! Moving on has never tasted so sweet.

the light, it slipped through the window

I am so incredibly wiped out, physically and mentally. Soooo tired. Break cannot come soon enough.

Must...study...

Hmmmr. It's been a long day. I feel like I've been getting on everyone's nerves all day, and I haaaate that. Hopefully tomorrow will be different.