What is this, Singles Awareness Night?

Dearest Gina. You are lovely - but I really don't want you giving me relationship advice. Unless I ask for it. Which I'm not doing at the moment.

You've been single for no more than six months for the past eight years - and you want to tell me what's right? You don't know what it's like. I'm being dramatic - but you don't know what it's like. Everything has always just fallen into place with you. With Tori, with Theresa, and with Ryan.

For whatever reason, that's not how my life works. In any way, shape, or form.

And then Claire (Young) hops on Facebook and goes "HEY ARE YOU DATING THAT GIRL YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT IN BIO? LOOK I'M TOTALLY OKAY WITH YOU BEING GAY SO I'M GOING TO ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT IT :D :D :D" and then there's the awkward "...no." no one wants me.

it's really frustrating to always be the second choice.

Hi internet! Today's been a pretty good one, as far as situations go, but I have several things frustrating me that I'd like to get off my chest before I go nuts.

Primo, I no longer have any snuggle buddies! Cassy was my go-to for snuggles (and kisses), but then she (out of the blue) got a boyfriend. And I've always snuggled with Marine, who I swear has some queer in her. You don't touch someone like that without feeling something. But, anyways, Marine has a boyfriend now too! And Gina's in Israel, so I can't even snuggle with her. This is depressing.

Secundo, I messed up my toe at swing practice on Monday night, and it's still bruised and gross-looking. And I've been overcompensating so much that now I've pulled a muscle in my ankle. Yaaayyy. Swing tonight was okay - I felt absolutely awful when I had to sit out, but it just got to the point where I was going to break myself, so I stopped. I hated watching our alternate fumble through the steps though.

Triundo (...just go with it), Gina is in ISRAEL. She took off a few days early with a class. They'll be landing in an hour or so. She promised she'd Facebook me and stuff while she's gone, and I'll be at home anyways, so it shouldn't be a problem. But I miss her like crazy. I haven't talked to her in more than twelve hours, which is probably the longest time we've gone since we started growing so close. I feel absolutely pathetic, but seriously - all I want to do is reach out and know she's there, just a floor and a half above me. But she's not, and I can't wait until I hear from her.

...but then i get texts from her like this one

This is going to be awful and cheesy, but I am really so in love with him that it's kind of absurd.

...

...

how do I respond to that? yes, darling, it's absurd, because you have an unhealthy relationship and he's not doing everything for you that someone should. he's not The One, and he never could be.

i could be more for you. i could be your everything.

c'etait une bonne week-end...

friday;

classes as usual, then our first annual swing club dance marathon! three hours of non-stop dancing. I had an absolute blast. There weren't a lot of good leads (guys) there, but I bounced around and had a great time with the people that were there. but holy hell was I sore the next day. owww.

things that are funny: gina insisted that I come by her room so she could see me all dressed up before I left - and she was checking me out hardcore. granted, I did look fabulous - it was nice to put some effort into my appearance for once, and I went all-out.

since gina was on RA duty, we were supposed to hang out afterwards (she couldn't leave the building and was bored), but then her boyfriend showed up, so that plan fell through. not gonna lie, I sulked a little bit, especially since we'd been planning our friday night shenanigans for a couple days. but things turned out okay.

saturday;

well, ryan (gina's bf) didn't stay the night, so I heard from her bright and early asking what I was up to. she was packing for israel (she's going with a class for spring break), but once she finished we grabbed brunch and made a little side trip to cvs for razors and conditioner. super snazzy.

I love my little road trips with gina, even if they're just down to the dining hall. I slide into the front seat without question (even when we're driving with other people), and we settle into a peaceful quiet that's incredibly rejuvenating. Lately she's had the CD I burned for her playing.

I went down to the library and homeworked with Tara for a while, then I trekked back up the mountain for a dorm program on 'healthy living' that my RA wanted us to come to. Gina was there, so she gave me the BTS phone (I've been on call for 30 hours, but there hasn't been any action) and binder.

Ryan was supposed to come over Saturday night around eight, so when Gina showed up at my door then - alone - I was a little surprised. her plans with ryan had gotten tweaked, and she was coming to vent. yes, I am totally okay with this.

So she sat down across from me and vented for a while, but then I crawled into my bed and she joined me. We leaned up against each other, nestling head into shoulder and looking up at the ceiling while we talked about our cats, and her going to Israel, and our favorite flavors of poptarts. We lay there for a while, until she absolutely had to get up and go shower before Ryan finally showed up. But...it was really, really nice. Really nice.

in which she is fucking ridiculous

first off - we went on an adventure this afternoon. the weather was absolutely beautiful, so I texted her and we set off to the sculpture garden - aka lehigh's secret art space.

so we wandered around the woods for an hour. it was glorious and so, so easy.

we had a brief text convo tonight about how she's on RA duty this weekend, then we said goodnight or whatever. But then she texts me again.

Does anyone call you Lou?

Some of my old friends do :) I like it. Feel free to utilize any nickname you'd like.

Haha, okay. I realized I started calling you that in my journal, and I wanted to know if it could travel into real life. :)

this girl. she is fucking ridiculous. because we're so perfect for each other.

Dear parents,

I'm sorry, but this is my life now. And I'm going to live it how I see fit. Even if - Especially if - that means accepting who I am.