things I am not proud of::
jealousy
insecurity
bitterness
failure to change
avoidance
spite
the "screw the world" attitude
failure to truly let go
fear of love
fear of judgment
fear
procrastination
manipulation
levity
but mostly jealousy & insecurity. I still compare myself to everyone around me, convincing myself I'm not good enough, that I have to be Better to have worth.
shelby makes me so, so unhappy. there are not words. I feel like she's worked her way into the tender parts of my soul and is shoving thorns into me. I just want to yell from the rooftops, to scream and tell the world how she broke me, how I'm weak and still cannot get over Her.
I don't deal well with betrayal. loyalty is my lifeblood.
I haven't been taking my Prozac. Partly to spite my parents - because hah, if they don't care, why should I? - and partly as a sort of self-flagellation. I'm not a masochist, but sometimes I feel like it's my only way to be heard.
hairspray ended today. I have burning spots on my collarbones where peoples tears fell. I chose to skip the cast party. I need some time alone with myself and my thoughts.
I need some time to just be.
No comments:
Post a Comment